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#75812 - 08/10/05 03:13 PM Re: Weddings and Such
grapevyne
Ching Shih


Registered: 11/02/01
Posts: 230

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Crumpet2, I'm in an opposite-sex couple and I felt the same as you did when I married. We had lived together for years, all three of our children were old enough to take pictures at our wedding. It was nice day, but I didn't feel any difference in my committment level. I don't know my anniversary date, it just isn't as important as the day we started dating, or the day we moved in together, or the days our children were born.
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#75813 - 08/10/05 04:04 PM Re: Weddings and Such
tygrkatt
Ching Shih


Registered: 07/29/03
Posts: 574
Loc: Maryland, USA

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Maybe the difference is in the length? Tygrhusband and I had been living together and all for about a year and half when we got married and I did feel a difference in commitment. Maybe it's after years and years of being married in all practical ways that it being legalized doesn't have a huge impact.

And congratulations crumpet2! Both the wedding you've had and the one you plan for next year sound amazing and wonderful.

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#75814 - 08/10/05 07:00 PM Re: Weddings and Such
voiceofreason
Ching Shih


Registered: 04/27/02
Posts: 1257
Loc: Brookline, MA, USA

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It's interesting, my uncle and aunt, who'd been together for something like 13 years, got married this spring and they say they feel different (more so than they expected) now that they're married. And though I don't personally know any same-sex couples who got married after a long time together, I have read a lot of testimonials from married couples saying how different they feel and how wonderful it is (I live in Massachusetts, so there were a lot of articles in the paper a couple of months ago about first wedding anniversaries for same-sex couples).

I suspect it all comes down to there being a lot of different kinds of people in the world.

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#75815 - 08/10/05 10:55 PM Re: Weddings and Such
skwirl
Ching Shih


Registered: 03/20/04
Posts: 218
Loc: Michigan

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Mr Skwirl and I had been good friends for years before we started dating, lived together for awhile before we got married, and we'd been married quite awhile before we bought a house. It was the house buying that made me realize that OH-MY-GOD-THIS-IS-FOREVER!

There are the vows that you make before friends, family, and the powers-that-be, and then there's a 30-year mortgage. Somehow that seemed more real.

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#75816 - 08/19/05 01:03 PM Re: Weddings and Such
tygrkatt
Ching Shih


Registered: 07/29/03
Posts: 574
Loc: Maryland, USA

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You know, there is a lot of logic to that skwirl. For me, and I imagine for most people "forever" and "for the rest of my life" ect, are very fuzzy. The rest of my life could be another 50 or 60 years, could be a day. But when you have a 30 year mortage, it's a finite number. I can see that really driving home how long you really are talking about.
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#75817 - 09/08/05 05:18 PM Re: Weddings and Such
marykmac
Ching Shih


Registered: 08/15/00
Posts: 440
Loc: York, UK

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Hee, skwirl, I felt just the same way when my friends from school promptly started buying houses with their boyfriends the second they graduated from university. I remember exclaiming to another (single) friend that is was far scarier than people getting married, because, sure, a marriage was forever, but a mortgage was for TWENTY FIVE YEARS!
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#75818 - 09/09/05 08:22 AM Re: Weddings and Such
lonebuffs
Ching Shih


Registered: 05/17/02
Posts: 352
Loc: Boston, MA, USA

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I can echo what a lot of people have said here. When we got married, Mr. lonebuffs and I had been friends for seven years, a couple for three, living together for two. Perhaps it helped that I knew the moment I met him that I'd marry him (in spite of waiting nearly four years to actually develop that relationship). So marrying him didn't seem all that scary at all.

But buying the house - I had doubts, I had cold sweats, I wondered "is this really THE ONE?", I cried, and I feared. But it wasn't quite the finite number of the mortgage - it was the awesome responsibility of the structure itself, I think. So much money and time and the fact that we LIVE there tied up in it. Mr. lonebuffs and I can go anywhere as a couple, but the house - that really keeps us in one place.

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#75819 - 09/09/05 12:20 PM Re: Weddings and Such
crumpet2
Ching Shih


Registered: 12/17/02
Posts: 719

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 Quote:
Originally posted by lonebuffs:
But it wasn't quite the finite number of the mortgage - it was the awesome responsibility of the structure itself, I think.
Yes. Exactly. It's true that relationships need maintenance, but 30 bucks worth of flowers is so much less stressful than a 7k septic field. With the house I'm always wondering if each and every ant I see is a carpenter ant who will chew my dwelling to dust and leave me homeless and hopelessly indebted. Of course I can comfort myself with the knowledge that at least if I end up homeless from a carpenter ant invasion, I'll have somebody to use for body heat on the sidewalk.

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#75820 - 08/27/06 02:28 PM Re: Weddings and Such
alizarin
Ching Shih


Registered: 01/17/02
Posts: 425
Loc: Boston, MA

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Bumping this topic with a request.

I'm getting married in October. Everything is going comparatively well, in the sense that I haven't tried to kill anyone yet.

I'm trying to find readings for the ceremony and not necessarily finding anything that really works. We're having a non-religious ceremony and we're more than a bit on the untraditional side (the wedding is on Friday the 13th and is vaguely Edward Gorey-themed) so I'm not looking for Bible readings or anything of that ilk, but we're also not terribly lovey-dovey so I don't want anything sappy, either.

Also, we're getting married in a library, so I feel obliged to have good readings.

So, suggestions, anyone? If it helps, the ideal would be something by Neil Gaiman or Douglas Adams, but neither of them seem to have anything even vaguely wedding-appropriate.

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#75821 - 08/27/06 03:23 PM Re: Weddings and Such
AlchemyGirl
Ching Shih


Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 175

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alizarin, Neil Gaiman just posted a poem he wrote for a friend's wedding on his blog a couple of days ago. Another soon-to-be-married fan wrote in asking permission to use it and he said (again, via his blog) that she should feel free to do so.

The poem is available at: http://www.neilgaiman.com/journal/2006/08/post-wedding-post.html -- it may be a bit sappier than you were hoping for, but I thought you should know it exists.

Congrats on the upcoming wedding!

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