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#86753 - 10/07/08 05:20 AM having troubles !
kaylie



Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 3
Loc: hartlepool north east

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Hiy all,

I have just joined so this is post number one :)

Just to introduce myself slightly to you all I'm Kaylie, I'm 18 and in college still but currently writing a short story for English Language.

My story is called Slowly Slipping Away From Me, it is about a man who works with people with mental problems, women mainly, this is not the storyline, though, the storyline is about how he lost his son and how he is going to try and gain him back although his son does not know who he is.

I am wanting to keep the story in suspense so I am not sure whether I should say how he lost his son or not ?

Also trying to write from a males perspective here is becoming a bit of a nightmare ! I am trying to explain from the man's point of view how much he wants his son back because he is being mistreat and is living with an alcoholic mother who doesnt care about him.

Any help on this matter would be fantastic and I hope I get to know you all in the near future.

Thanks for reading :)

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#86766 - 10/07/08 10:52 PM Re: having troubles ! [Re: kaylie]
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Ching Shih


Registered: 08/18/01
Posts: 1738

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Welcome, Kaylie! I'll start off by saying that I love the title.
Without having read the story, I think the question I would be asking right now is, is how he lost his son going to be the big surprise or is how he's going to get him back going to be the kicker? I may be wrong, but I think in a short story, you need to decide where the main pay off is.

To elaborate a little, the protagonist may be thinking he has this great plan to get him back, but the reason he lost him may be working to undermine his hopes the whole time. He might not acknowledge to us that he actually threw the boy out the window when he was an infant, for instance. If he doesn't acknowledge his part in what's happened, the reader is unlikely to want him to get his child back. In which case, it might be important to deprive us of that information until some crucial point and then spring it on us, making us switch our allegiances.

On the other hand, if the reason he has been separated from his child is grossly unfair, we will root for him and his plan, whether or not it succeeds in the end. In that case, it might be an easy giveaway to reveal the circumstance up front.

Just thoughts. Hope they help.

Oh--does the fact that he works with the mentally ill make any difference to the outcome?

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#86790 - 10/10/08 03:22 AM Re: having troubles ! [Re: essay]
kaylie



Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 3
Loc: hartlepool north east

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Thanks for the help.

I do believe by the time I have finished the fact that he works with the mentally ill will have had a vast change on the circumstances that occur in the story. For instance he can get inside peoples heads and work out what they are really thinking.

The reason for him losing his son was grossly unfair no doubt, it is because when the child was conceived the mother was a no good 'junky' and still is, however she lost her home and ran away leaving the father , the protagonist without knowing where they had moved to or how he could get into contact.

Obviously a few years later they have moved back but he doesnt want to go over in case his son does not know him, which he doesnt or in case he has never even seen a picture! Not only this but in case it ruins his chances of gaining his son back as the mother may be ale to put a stop to it before it starts !

Your ideas have really helped and I really do believe this forum is the place to be :D

Thanks alot anything else just let me know :)


Edited by kaylie (10/10/08 03:23 AM)

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#86796 - 10/10/08 09:10 PM Re: having troubles ! [Re: kaylie]
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Ching Shih


Registered: 08/18/01
Posts: 1738

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You're welcome, Kaylie. I can see how his work might help the protagonist understand his son's mother in a different way that will hopefully help him figure out how to deal with her. And this does seem to be clearly a 'root for the father's reconnection with his son' kind of story, so I think you can drop in the background of how he lost touch without hurting the story arc.

Good luck!

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#86814 - 10/13/08 07:43 AM Re: having troubles ! [Re: essay]
kaylie



Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 3
Loc: hartlepool north east

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Thanks Im working on it as we speak :)

Its getting better every time I draft :)

I have let names slip so I think I may just let a little of the background slip on how he lost his son now !

Lets just see how it goes :D

Thanks for the help !!! I really apprecate it !

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#86828 - 10/17/08 10:33 PM Re: having troubles ! [Re: kaylie]
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Ching Shih


Registered: 08/18/01
Posts: 1738

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I've been off the forums for a bit, so I hope it all is going/has gone well.
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